Yes, toxic parents, in general, are a big problem, but toxic mothers are something that many people deal with more than they care to admit. Toxicity comes in many forms, but when it comes from someone who has literally carried you inside, it can have very serious consequences for you that you may not even be able to understand from the start.
Growing up, toxic mothers try to live their lives through us, overprotect us, or push us to take care of them instead of them taking care of us, and no matter what kind of toxicity they push, growing up with them can be very damaging. While it’s not your fault that she was toxic or still is, depending on how things have played out with age, it’s important to know that it’s not possible to change her, it has to be something she actively chooses to do herself.
She may be controlling, critical, passive-aggressive or even disrespectful of personal boundaries, but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with it because she is your mother. Once you reach adulthood, you should not let her hold on you rule your life. Learning to love yourself and choosing to cut ties or limit contact can, in situations like this, be the best thing for you, even if it hurts.
If you think your mother is toxic, but you’re not sure, looking for the signs can help you know. Below, I’ll go over some of these signs and explain how growing up with a toxic mother can have lasting effects on all of us. If you see these signs in your life today, you may need to come to terms with things before moving forward, which could help you in the long run.
8 things you do because you were raised by a toxic mother that you may not even notice:
1– You have trouble showing affection and may not know how to accept it, even now, when it comes your way.
Because your mother didn’t show you much affection growing up, you may have trouble showing it yourself, even now. When someone is willing to take care of you and show you care, you tend to push them aside. This is because growing up, you weren’t taught how to deal with these kinds of things the way you should have.
2-When you think about your mother, many negative emotions come to the surface.
If you have negative emotions about your mother, there must be a reason for it. Often we realize on a deeper level the wrongs we have suffered, even if we don’t want to admit them to ourselves. You have felt controlled for a long time and now the emotions from that are coming to the surface.
3-You are always looking for validation wherever you can find it.
When you didn’t receive validation growing up, you may end up looking for it in other places. You want attention and validation, even if it means taking a wrong path to get there. This can be a terrible thing, depending on where you end up and what you do.
4-You don’t know how to handle conflict and often end up giving in to others as a result.
When conflict arises, you are quickly bullied. If you had a toxic mother, this may be because bullying was something she used often on you. She was always making sure you bent to her will, and now you’re having trouble holding your ground.
5-You are quick to blame or apologize for things you had no control over.
Anyway, when you were a kid, she would blame you for things or ask you to apologize for things you didn’t do or had no control over, and you still do that today. A lot of people say you apologize too much or are too nice because you let others walk all over you. You tend to have a hard time standing up for yourself and taking responsibility for others when you shouldn’t.
6-You spend a lot of time in co-dependent relationships.
Because of the relationship you had with your mother, you consider it normal to be in a co-dependent relationship. You need to be needed and you want someone who seems to take control of your life. This really holds you back, but you struggle with the cycle itself.
7-Making your own decisions is difficult because you are not used to doing it at all.
If you had a toxic mother, chances are you never made decisions for yourself growing up and now that you can do what you want, you have a hard time making decisions. You don’t know who you are or what you want in life. You’re really stuck in a state of confusion.
8-You feel guilty all the time.
You were never good enough for your toxic mother so you always minimize your accomplishments and beat yourself up over little things. You want to be the best and refuse to accept your mistakes. Instead of learning that we all have to fall before we can fly, you were expected to fly no matter what.
