How to deal with human propagators

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Mechanical problems, lack of funding and inconsistent timetables turn the MTA into a nightmare. Worse still, if you’re lucky enough to get a seat, you’ll probably meet other manspreaders, people (guess what kind) who decide that their self-confidence requires more seats than they’ve paid for. If you’ve had enough, there are a few ways to combat the problem with panache:

Ask politely
Often overlooked in favour of quiet rumination and introspection, a simple request to move will most likely produce the desired results. A polite “excuse me” and “thank you” is enough to point out that I’m taking up a bit too much space, apologise and adjust my posture accordingly. (And in the anecdotal experience of other Lifehacker editors, this is often enough to get someone to move over and make room.) From a charitable point of view, the average manspreader suffers above all from a lack of self-awareness.

Ask less than politely
If the carrot hasn’t worked, maybe it’s time to use the stick. Trying to sit in a seat next to a man? Make your intention to sit clear, stare at them, make your voice heard by saying “sorry” and occupy the space allotted to you. This is certainly uncomfortable, but less uncomfortable than shirking. If their bag is on your chair and they are not responding to your requests, feel free to move it yourself. It’s your seat too.

Get noticed
Do you have a bag with you? Crouch down, open it and search it. A lot. “Where’s the comically large duster I own?” Mumble to yourself as your arms and legs move, allowing you to expand your personal space under the guise of looking for your props.

Remember to use your arms to your advantage! You may have to nudge the man in question a few times to change his position. If he moves, you’ve won. If he doesn’t, you will have easily landed a few “accidental” blows while trying to regain your space. Consider this a taste of justice.

Manspread First
Sometimes the best defense is a good offense. When the opportunity to live like a king and work out your hip abductors presents itself, why not give it a go? Being the first to spread won’t win you any friends, but often a preemptive strike is necessary to secure the resources offered by your $2.75 ticket. The burly guy leering at the seat next to you probably won’t cross his legs, that’s for sure. That said, when the train starts to fill up, you may want to calm down.

Some man-spreaders are simply assholes, so your mileage may vary. If you’re not comfortable with confrontation or feel like your trip might take a turn for the worse, get out immediately. No seat is worth fighting for, and no man is worth the threat of violence. Besides, there’s probably no room to swing your arms anyway.